Views and Interviews - Online Journal

Branches Growing Bare

My cold seems to be about over - a relief that it hasn't been worse.  Today I slept late and did almost nothing all day - my major accomplishment was to put together an email offering some things I want to sell on consignment to a dealer. 

It's been raining much of the day - and yet the leaves still aren't off the trees.  This past weekend the guy who mows our lawn in the summer came by and raked up all the leaves - at least all that had fallen, and there were plenty - the backyard was completely covered.  But within hours of the time he finished the next layer was accumulating.  Oh well, we knew he'd have to come back for a second pass after all the trees were bare.

Meanwhile, the new house behind and to the right of ours slowly reveals itself.  It began to appear clearly a week ago when we had the first brief snow, because the white made the roof lines of the house stand out.  As the snow melted, the house faded back into the woods, but not for long.  Now that more leaves have fallen, it's there for the rest of the winter, tall and dark.  I don't know if it's finished enough for someone to move in, or whether there are any buyers interested.  That little development was started at the dead worst time.

Nostalgia

Writing yesterday's post, and getting all tangled up in researching the people and events referenced (I'm a little compulsive here) drew me into a swamp of nostalgia.  I downloaded some music, songs that I had not listened to in at least a decade.  (Amazing that one can now obtain individual songs in seconds, and for pennies.)  I looked up people that I haven't seen in a quarter century (and found some of them.)  Wallowed in sentimental memories.  But then it was time to stop.  All this leaves one question - I am very happy with my present, so what makes me miss what is long past?  I guess it's simply that it's past and beyond retrieving. 

Long Ago But Not So Far Away

I met somebody famous once - well, not famous when I met her - she was just about six hours from becoming famous.  She was a small woman, almost a girl, and a year younger than I.  She was shy, and had been standing in the front window of a luncheonette, pretending to read magazines, hoping to see someone she knew.  As it happened, I was walking along the street with several people - one of whom was a friend of hers, and she came running out of the store to join us.  A singer, she was about to perform before a very large audience, on her own, for the first time. 

That evening she sang, one performer among many.  Her voice was exquisitely beautiful - breath-stopping, concert-stopping.  After that one set, she was known - famous - and for good.  I was stunned by what she could do, and I just got up and left after her performance.  I sat in the town square until about 5AM, until the next bus came, and boarded it and went home.  I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I didn't want to be just part of the audience.

A Cold

We had friends stop by this afternoon for tea - a pleasant visit.  Then, late this afternoon I began sneezing and coughing, and felt totally exhausted.  A cold?  I haven't had one in a very long time.  Broke out the echinacea - took a whopping dose and will soon take another.  I hope it works. 

Royal Hardships

We had dinner today with a friend at a very good restaurant in our area.  The drive to the restaurant, the meal, and the company of our friend made the afternoon a lovely one.  As we ate, we heard bits of conversation from the tables near us.  None of us were actually listening but one phrase broke right through my focus on our own conversation - a man at the table behind me said quite clearly, "It's not easy being a prince!"  My ears nearly rotated backwards in my head, but I couldn't catch any more. 

As we were ordering dessert, the folks at that table finished and left the restaurant.  I immediately told Marlene and our friend what I'd heard, wondering if I could possibly have gotten it right.  They had missed the line about the difficulties of royal life, but Marlene had overheard the same man say something about how the Van Dykes were held in trust so he couldn't sell them.  Van Dykes, plural.  Yes, it's hard being a prince.

More Signs of Winter

This morning I noticed a lot of birds in the crabapple tree in front of our house.  To my surprise they were robins.  Perhaps fifteen in our tree, and a lot more across the street and next door where there are other crabapple trees.  Stepping outside for a moment, I could even hear some of them singing - a very faint version of their spring song.  My guess is that this flock is preparing for its southerly journey - and that in another day or so they will be gone.  Except, that is, for the pair that stays all winter, sitting mornfully in our tree all day long. 

Sidetracks

Before I retired, on workdays, one of my first thoughts as I sat down at my desk in the morning was, "What is it today that will keep me from the tasks I plan to do?"  Because it was always something.  Well today the guy that does work for us on the house found some unexpected free time and called to see if he could go to work on the mold in our basement.  We'd discussed this only a day or so ago and I was really happy he could start so soon.  As a result, I ended up spending most of the day trying to be useful, as he did an amazing job of cleaning out the whole place.  He finished the job (and some little extras) in one go, but now my eyes are tired from the bleach fumes, and I'm soooo tired.  However, being retired, I'll probably get to my selected tasks tomorrow without further 'distraction.'    

Viewpoints

I've been glancing at a book by Traleg Rinpoche entitled The Practice of Lojong: Cultivating Compassion through Training the Mind.  What strikes me is the author's perspective.  Everything he says comes from compassion.  Even after years of practice, I can't do that - even though I want to.  For me it is ingrained to take a competitive position, to see things in terms of either/or - what someone else possesses is thereby lost to me.  If someone is admired for their good qualities, that diminishes me, and if someone does something wrong, it's important for me to point it out, and by contrast make myself look good.  I do resist this - but it's my whole pattern of thought.  I'm trying to really comprehend the alternative view - which I find in a few places,and at the moment most impressively in Traleg Rinpoche's book. 

Mental Stuff

I've been listening to a very interesting book - An Introduction to Awareness by James Corrigan.  He says of his book,

An Introduction to Awareness presents the view of Reality known as Indefinite Monism. This is a philosophical conception of Reality that asserts that only Awareness is real and that the whole of Reality can be conceptually thought of in terms of immanent and transcendent aspects of Awareness. In this system Awareness is not equivalent to consciousness, rather it is the immanent aspect of Awareness that is the venue for consciousness, and the transcendent aspect of Reality – the existents of the world all around us – is what consciousness is of.

I've only listened to the first three chapters so far, but have found them to be clear quite beyond my expectations.  I'm wondering to what extent this will fit with what I understand of the Buddhist view.  So far so good. 

Tired

The White Tara retreat that I didn't really participate in this year has ended.  At least I said a few mantra, did a little practice.  And then last night, before going to sleep, I read all about the White Tara practice in Karma Chakme's Mountain Dharma, Volume Two.  I got all re-inspired and my inspiration kept me awake - but it's a good sort of sleeplessness, reflecting on mantra and practice. 

I'm still drained both physically and emotionally by the events of the past month, and the things I still have to deal with.  Today I wrote a thank you note to the minister who led Mother's memorial service.  Before writing, I chanced upon and read several letters to the editor he'd written in past months that were printed in the local paper where Mother lived.  I discovered that the minister holds views that are quite contrary to mine in several respects.  Were he to know me, he might well not like me very much.  But I wrote the thank you note anyhow - he had done well by Mom.