On Trying To Be Buddhist

Empathy

Reading through the blogs I check regularly, I came across a link to an article on empathy from Christmas Day's Washington Post. The author is Douglas LaBier, a psychologist, therapist, and writer of considerable standing and experience. 

Half-humorously, LaBier has coined the term, EDD - empathy deficit disorder. He says,

Based on my 35 years of experience as a psychotherapist, business psychologist and researcher, I have come to believe that EDD is a pervasive but overlooked condition with profound consequences for the mental health of individuals and of our society. People who suffer from EDD are unable to step outside themselves and tune in to what other people experience."   

LaBier thinks this lack of empathy is learned rather than being inborn or the result of an organic imbalance.  He says, "EDD develops when people focus too much on acquiring power, status and money for themselves at the expense of developing those healthy relationships."  Sadly he adds that he sees it all the time. 

However, he also feels that the situation can be changed:

[through] retraining your brain to take advantage of what is known as neuroplasticity....research shows that as you refocus your thoughts, feelings and behavior in the direction you desire, the brain regions associated with them are reinforced. What's more, changing your brain activity reinforces the changes you're making in your thinking. The result is a self-reinforcing loop between your conscious attitudes, your behavior and your brain activity....By focusing on developing empathy, you can deepen your understanding and acceptance of how and why people do what they do and you can build respect for others.

The important point here is that although the process of developing empathy can be spoken of in terms of brain activity, the real action is through thoughts.  We don't directly affect our brain patterns.  Rather, we develop patterns and habits of thinking, which in turn change brain patterns. 

This relates to what I was trying to get at in my previous post on good intentions.  There I wanted to express how much control our intentions give us over our own sense of value and meaningfulness.  What was only implicit was how very much this development of intention involves wishes and desires for the happiness and benefit of others, as well as oneself.

[LaBier's article, linked above is very much worth reading in its entirety.  And I'd like to thank Danny Fisher for including it in his blog.]

Good Intentions

In a recent series of teachings given by Trangu Rinpoche he discusses karma and how it is developed.  In a very simple analysis, he lists all possible combinations of intention and action:

1. White (good) intentions and white actions;
2. White intentions and black (bad) actions;
3. Black intentions and white actions;
4. Black intentions and black actions.

The first two are good - that is, they result in the accumulation of good karma, and the second two result in negative karma.  The first and last are quite obvious - the first being totally good, or positive, and the last totally negative.  The second and third however - the middle pair - are rather interesting.  Looking at them from the Tibetan or Buddhist point of view, there's nothing too startling - it simply means that a good intention produces good results even when it also leads to a negative action - presumably through some sort of mistake or misunderstanding.  And conversely, a bad intention poisons even a good action. 

The interesting part comes from comparing these to Western thinking on the topic.  The phrase that come to mind is, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions."  This is evidently a modern outgrowth of something far older.  St. Francis de Sales, wrote of "le proverbe tiré de notre saint Bernard, ‘L'enfer est plein de bonnes volontés ou désirs’."  ["The proverb taken from our St. Bernard, ‘Hell is full of good intentions or desires.’ "]  Later writers quoted this and modified it until it became our familiar cliche. Though no one says it flat out, it seems that to Western minds, good intentions are not enough at all.  Good intentions and bad actions lead very clearly, in our Western understanding, to really bad results - even hell itself.   

This is exactly opposite to the Buddhist view and it points to something very important: a radical difference in our understanding of intention and its role in our actions and lives.  It is the root of fundamental differences in the way we view reality and our ability to affect it. Our Western view seems to be that our actions contribute the dominant value in anything we do - the concrete results are what matter, and it makes no appreciable difference what we meant, or tried to do.  Our intentions, thoughts, and desires in themselves are impotent.  We all know the phrase, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."  This is very deeply ingrained.

There are exceptions - Shakespeare's statement in Hamlet, "There's nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so;" or Norman Vincent Peale's "power of positive thinking"; or Emile Coue's method of autosuggestion; and, currently, the ideas presented in "The Secret."  But none of these have had enough of an impact to change our basic perspective. 

In contrast, the Buddhist view is very much that "thinking makes it so" and on many levels.  One of the things that makes this view pervasive among Buddhists is that it is part of a coherent system that supports it and makes it understandable.  The basic principles can be expressed very simply, and in that form are usually learned in childhood and shape one's perception and judgment throughout life.  In addition, these concepts also have been examined and expanded philosophically to an extent that satisfy the most brilliant intellectual. 

So - how does this matter?  How does it make a difference in people's lives?  The answer lies in the fact that we cannot completely control the fruit of our actions, but we can learn to perfect our intentions.  If meaning and value are based solely on what actually happens - on events - then only the most powerful people will be able to derive a rich sense of meaning and accomplishment from what they do.  For the rest of us it will always be a mixed bag of accomplishment and failure.  There are limits on actions - only one person can be the best, offer the most, have the finest....for the rest of us it's all second best, or thousandth.  Our lives become an unending competition.  But if our meaning is rooted in our intentions - then each of us can develop excellent intentions.  Whoever comes to understand the real power in wishing and intention can become powerful, no matter what their material situation.   

In Buddhist practice, this understanding is expressed in the prevalence of "wishing prayers", in the practice of generating "bodhicitta" - which means, in part, generating good intentions toward all beings - and making use of many other forms of meditation, prayer, and even associated actions.  There is a great wealth of such methods of changing one's own mind, and, in fact, also changing all of reality.

Monlams - Aspiration Prayers - How To Live

Last night I went to our local monthly Monlam Choga - a practice of offering and aspiration prayers composed by Kalu Rinpoche and it's now over a year that I've been going to it.  It's a powerful practice - and at least while I'm saying the prayers, I get a lot of strength and hope from it.  That is, I remember the meaning as I say the prayers.  At other times, I forget.  But the point is simple - doing good brings happiness - and even wishing good for others is a way to start.  Making such so-called aspirations over and over sets the mind in the pattern of always seeing others with loving kindness. 

Here's an example - one verse from a much longer monlam:

Wherever I am born, may I be like a wish fulfilling jewel.   
As soon as anyone needs or wishes for something, 
May it rain down in limitless abundance.    
May I place all living beings in happiness!

Obviously that's way beyond what I can actually do.  But realism isn't the key - desiring benefit for others (and oneself) is.  The ultimate basis for such hopes and wishes is 'pure view' - the understanding that all beings are Buddhas and all of reality is, in fact, perfectly pure.  Thus from the Buddhist point of view, these aspirations coincide with ultimate reality, and to bring my feelings, thoughts, and hopes into alignment with them is to become more real myself.  And it makes me happy in the bargain. 

As we chanted the prayers last night, I thought of my teen years - how unhappy I was much of the time, how I looked for something meaningful, but with no guidance.  We just went along day by day - doing ok, but not really looking for more.  At least not that anyone spoke of - I have no idea what was in anyone's heart.  Most of my family and friends were decent people - not harming others, even helping quietly when the chance arose.  Nevertheless, we were exactly the sort of people that Buddhist texts speak of - like blind men and women wandering in a desert without a guide or helpers.  I should speak only of myself - again, I don't know what was in others' hearts.  But for me - I really longed in some inarticulate way to be good, and to find what was in some way meaningful or holy and there was no one to tell me how.  There was no one to tell me how to avoid all the things I did that brought harm. 

In contrast, the lamas I know, the Tibetan lay people, all grew up with this knowledge.  From birth, and probably before, they began learning how to do what is good and what brings happiness to all, and how to avoid what causes misery.  It's not that Tibetans are special in any way - it's just that they have the best teaching I've ever found on how to live.

[ References: a little bit about aspiration prayers and monlams in the Tibetan Tradition can be found at this site.  One of the most famous and widely used aspiration prayers is Samantabhadra's Aspiration to Noble Deeds. ]

Justifiable Anger

I'm reading Tulku Thondup's Peaceful Death.  On page 124 he writes of a woman who had died and was being judged by the Lord of Death, that although she had a lot of good deeds to her credit, "she also harbored resentment toward unfair bureaucratic systems of the society."  Not a good thing, evidently - and a source of suffering for her in her bardo experience after death.  This is a little surprising - it seems pretty natural to most of us to have such feelings, especially at times like the present when so much that our country and its leaders are doing seems so wrong to so many of us.  Frustration, anger and so on run pretty high.  But here in this book, the question is not whether the feelings are justified - it's pretty clear they were.  The implication is that such feelings in themselves are a source of later trouble. The justified resentment felt by the woman being judged, counted against her. 

Anger is one of the so-called five poisons - the negative emotions out of which all of samsara is generated.  Though I understood this, it had escaped me until now that this includes even justifiable anger, righteous anger.   It doesn't mean no response is possible to injustice - but it puts the choices and possibilities for response into a very different light.

Self-Help

I'm noticing at the moment how many tools the Tibetan tradition of Buddhism gives me. 

Do I want to be more kind and compassionate?  There is an analysis of what that really means - a description of the components of compassion  (the so-called four immeasurables;) and that is followed by specific meditations to develop each of these immeasurable attitudes.

Am I miserable?  There is the whole teaching on karma.  Often seen in western literature as a rather negative view that says, in essence, you're getting what you deserve, in actuality, the law of karma has a profoundly positive aspect.  Through understanding it, one can gradually create the situation for good results, for happiness, both now and in the future.  (This in fact is what encourages me to become more kind and compassionate.) 

The analysis of karma and its relation to intention also tells me that even if I do good things partially out of self interest, such as my own desire for happiness, nevertheless, those actions can create good results.  As long as my self concern does not exclude others, it doesn't negate the good effects of my actions.  And what can negate the good effects is explained in detail - so I can avoid it.  Buddhism is one of the earliest, most complete, and most powerful self-help programs in existence.  Ironic in that it also serves to dissolve the self itself.

References:
Teaching by Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron
Teaching on Four Immeasurables from  Buddhanet